Real Life Healing

I have done it. I spent my most of my thirties in a fog. I was raising four children which I had no idea at the time that it is a tough job. I say often that I survived, but  really-I did. I had made this fictional idea of what life was to look like (insert Martha Stewart) and I had added my own christian twist to it.  But I was missing something. 

The late thirties hit and  I began to realize I longed for friendship -true friendship. I had people that I did things with because of the groups my kids put us in, but  I longed for a mentor. 

I began to be wrapped in this life of pain. One that I had no idea what was truly happening to me. Because of that physical pain I retreated into a year of solitude. It was a more lonely place than I had even felt before-one that lead me to a walk of light and hope. I would wrap my painful self in a blanket and read His word. I began to read the words of other women. I began to open up to a place of healing. I began to respond to those women and find friendship.

This year of healing -soul healing- lead me to discovery. I discovered places I loved to serve. The places I loved to serve became life giving which caused me to be open to relationship. Relationship taught me even more about the healing of my soul. 

Are there still places that are raw? Yes, the quick word or judgement from just the right person can send my soul bleeding and in retreat mode. But I go back to the Truth and find comfort in my chair then I am restored enough to move out again.

So my forties are a new place, a place of community where I can minister to the young mama's like I had so longed for in my younger days. It has lead me community where I serve and become involved in the areas that are life-giving. I still find comfort and restoration from my friends behind the screen, but I am becoming more open to in-real-life community.

I guard my heart from all the hurtful words and actions that might come my way, but I am learning to love in community. To find real relationship that leads me to Him. The healing found in retreat is beautiful. I manage the physical, I find comfort in the Word for the mental, and I find hope in the spirit of others that leads me deeper in my walk. 

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1

Maximizing My Mornings

It is that time again...today ended the Winter Challenge with the Hello Mornings group. It also began the registration for the Summer Challenge. You might be asking what is Hello Mornings and how are you maximizing your mornings.

So glad that you asked- Hello Mornings is a group of women gathering all over the world to wake up before our families and spend quiet time alone with the Lord. We don't wake up to our kids, but to our Lord. This step alone maximizes the morning. There are several women who add the next component of exercising to so that they are their best physically. Basically we are accountable to one another for our morning time. 

My group happens to be on twitter. Several groups meet privately on Facebook. Check this out http://register.hellomornings.org/ 

Join us for the Summer and have the best Summer with your kids!

The Loss that Floods Your Mind with Memories

We were piled in the bed this morning finishing school and working on the computer. I had gotten up to grab something from the other room. When I returned she was breathless, head buried into my pillow and unable to speak. I quickly ask my baby girl what was wrong when she said that my best friend had text me.  Unable to understand I read the text which told of a mutual friend's husband passing away this morning.

We have waited for this call. The suffering and treatments have continued for years. As true fighting fashion though the bounce back would happen and life would continue. A few weeks ago though my friend shared her husband had fallen and had to be put in a nursing home for recovery. She hinted that he might not come home and to pray for the girls.

Their baby and mine have been friends since preschool. We have not missed birthday parties and attended church camp together every year. I feel that I have been trying to prepare my little girl for the moment her friend's Dad would no longer live on this earth forever, but when that text came I realized how unprepared we were.

As I held my baby and prayed for our friends, my mind flooded back to the day that numbness overcame me. I had just returned from a wonderful weekend introducing my boyfriend to my family. He and I had taken the long way back to college stopping  by to visit old family friends of his. I distinctly remember us commenting on the oddness of the sky as we drove the 2 1/2 hours across the Delta towards Starkville.

We arrived  home and I ran inside with my basket of clean laundry that I dropped on the floor so I could call to report my safe arrival to Mama (my usual post drive home call- oh the days before the cell phone that is everywhere with you). I dialed my home and my Mama's best friend answered the phone. This was odd because she might be at our home, but didn't really answer our phone. Mama spoke and the numbing words fell all over me. "Your Dad had a heart attack"-Mama "He is going to be fine, right???"-Me "No Sweetie, He didn't make it."

Those words spoken to me by my Mother 23 years ago changed my whole life. I was 20 years old and I know the things that I have missed and longed for as a daughter without an earthly Father. My daughter's friend is 11 and her sister 15. How my heart breaks for them tonight as I recall them being picked up at school to be told their Dad is no longer living.

I hugged both girls today. I shared that I understood it hurt. I told them we could get together and talk.  I would listen because even though I don't have my Daddy (his heart broke) their Daddy was lost to the horribleness of cancer. Our stories are different, but we are daughters without Daddies tonight.

My prayer for these precious girls and my friend is that they feel the cradling of the arms of Jesus the ultimate Daddy. May they find comfort in friends and stories these next few days. And Mr. Chuck say "hi" to George Trippe-my Daddy.

Memory Quilt

Making a t-shirt memory quilt is something that I have been planning since MK was little. My hoarding self has saved t-shirts since forever. I began several months ago the process. MK had pulled out her favorite shirts. I let them collect dust. I spent one night watching TV with the family while cutting the fronts off the the shirts then again more dust collecting. (I feel the dust intermissions will add to the sturdiness of the finished quilt).

This weekend I have been determined to knock off the dust. I spent today ironing the pellon onto the wrong side of the fronts. This was a two hour project with some carpool interruptions. I set the iron up so I could watch Food Network which helped because I do NOT like to iron.

After the ironing, I have decided to watch the Final Four minus a quilting project in my hands. My next step is to cut the fronts into 15 x 15 squares. I will take pictures, but so far it has been an enjoyable project. (Not much skill needed so far) I am struggling with what color to make the sash (boarder) fabric. I still have some time to think on this one.

I have attached the pattern from Goose Tracks that I am using.

http://www.goosetracks.com/T-Shirt%20Quilt%20Instructions.html

I chose this pattern because it gave me dimensions for every size from a lap quilt to a king sized quilt. The directions are thorough and easy to follow. Pictures to follow in my next post!

Gardening-Is this what I'm doing?

Gardening-Not my strongest suit (but I have been thinking as Philip is ready to plant his 2nd garden). Isn't this what we have been doing the past 18 years. Growing children.

I remember 18 years ago as Philip would ache for the days as MK grew- The little things-a new word, a crawl, a loss of toddler vocabulary for the "BIG" girl word. My sensitive husband might have sweated in his eyes a time or two over these changes, but not me. I was strong. I repeated to him over and over that it was my job to raise them to move out. Well here we are 20 something days left of high school and 30 something to graduation. (I am not the one counting)

I am still not a puddle of tears. As each "last" happens I am ok with it. I will so miss my oldest daughter and her need to ask me questions even though she does not want my opinion. Someone ask me just this week was I sad yet. My answer is the same. I am not sad because I see the excitement in her about what God has for her future.  I am hesitant as I think of all the things (and she tells me a few) we haven't taught her.  I have tried to enjoy every "last". I have watched her try to rush the future and tried to tie her down to the present so she doesn't miss this "last" event. I do not want to stop her from moving on though. I see God at work in her and I am in awe of the woman that she is becoming in Him. He is moving mightily. Does she have it all together-no. Do I-NO!

My gardening had me growing girls just 13 months apart. I know the early days of little sleep, many diapers, and shoes that matched in half size difference were hard. I think though today I am reaching the hardest of all so far. My sweet, strong, independent Sarah has brought me papers to graduate early. (Yes you did the math right-2 moving out within 6 months of each other)

My girl whose voice is sometimes muffled in the noise of a large family spoke up last Summer about the possibility of early graduation. I (like a good Mom) questioned the idea. She like my strong and independent Sarah laid the plan before me -every last detail. I sent her out of the room after picking up my heart and jaw then began to pray.

Well school began in the Fall and the idea reversed. She didn't want to leave early-it seemed the popular thing and neither of my girls follow that crowd. I even found myself begging her to reconsider-I felt God say "Go ahead. Let her graduate early. She would be serving me."  Time has marched on through MK's senior year. Details, deadlines and demands once again have pushed the discussion to the back burner.

Spring Break of 2013 happened and Sarah was renewed in her vision. She attended a mission with our youth to Nicaragua. In the minutes before her bag hit the floor, she was requesting to go this Summer for a month to Nicaragua. We like all parents put on the brakes, listened and investigated. And like our Sweet Sarah she felt God tell her no-continue with her Summer plans of a trip to Honduras.

Well back to this girl walking in my door this week with papers to graduate high school six months early & move to Honduras for a four months to learn Spanish & help in an orphanage. I am blaming the book I find on her floor by her bed at night-Kisses from Katie. (I knew not to let her read it)

Oh but my garden is not that small- see I have two other rows that I am continuing to maintain & weed & tend.

I spent the last six months homeschooling our 11 year old daughter. It has been a blessing. Her spirit needed some time to gain confidence. We have met great new friends & if I got to do this all over again I might just home school them all. (don't tell the other three-the don't like the idea)  Our intent was to home school through May. It is a season for us. She has longed to go into the all sixth grade school here. She has grown up there-me the volunteer, her siblings spending time there, the principal giving her endless amounts of candy. Well it seems that my season of growing this patch in my little garden will end soon. She is a sweet girl (who by her siblings account is spoiled) and has a heart for others.  Ugh to be honest-she would move out too and head to Nicaragua where her heart is for missions there. She prays for this country that she has never met. Oh Lord, please hold off a little while on her calling.

Our one and only son. That tall stalk of corn in our garden. He is growing as fast as a weed and finishing up his 7th grade year. He is growing physically but also as a young man. His experiences in youth, scouts and with school are making him seem so much older. I so remember the little boy that played with dump trucks and loved Veggie Tales. I watch God work in him as he is feeling called to lead in the local public school. He loves FCA, prayer breakfast (2-not for more prayer but more FOOD), and he leads by example.

My Garden is growing. I am a gardener. There are days that I see the weeds, but today I rejoice in the Fruit that God is allowing us to harvest. We are blessed with an abundance. So pray for this little patch of Garden, for these two Gardeners in training & these children who are listening to the Lord.