Real Life Healing

I have done it. I spent my most of my thirties in a fog. I was raising four children which I had no idea at the time that it is a tough job. I say often that I survived, but  really-I did. I had made this fictional idea of what life was to look like (insert Martha Stewart) and I had added my own christian twist to it.  But I was missing something. 

The late thirties hit and  I began to realize I longed for friendship -true friendship. I had people that I did things with because of the groups my kids put us in, but  I longed for a mentor. 

I began to be wrapped in this life of pain. One that I had no idea what was truly happening to me. Because of that physical pain I retreated into a year of solitude. It was a more lonely place than I had even felt before-one that lead me to a walk of light and hope. I would wrap my painful self in a blanket and read His word. I began to read the words of other women. I began to open up to a place of healing. I began to respond to those women and find friendship.

This year of healing -soul healing- lead me to discovery. I discovered places I loved to serve. The places I loved to serve became life giving which caused me to be open to relationship. Relationship taught me even more about the healing of my soul. 

Are there still places that are raw? Yes, the quick word or judgement from just the right person can send my soul bleeding and in retreat mode. But I go back to the Truth and find comfort in my chair then I am restored enough to move out again.

So my forties are a new place, a place of community where I can minister to the young mama's like I had so longed for in my younger days. It has lead me community where I serve and become involved in the areas that are life-giving. I still find comfort and restoration from my friends behind the screen, but I am becoming more open to in-real-life community.

I guard my heart from all the hurtful words and actions that might come my way, but I am learning to love in community. To find real relationship that leads me to Him. The healing found in retreat is beautiful. I manage the physical, I find comfort in the Word for the mental, and I find hope in the spirit of others that leads me deeper in my walk. 

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1

Maximizing My Mornings

It is that time again...today ended the Winter Challenge with the Hello Mornings group. It also began the registration for the Summer Challenge. You might be asking what is Hello Mornings and how are you maximizing your mornings.

So glad that you asked- Hello Mornings is a group of women gathering all over the world to wake up before our families and spend quiet time alone with the Lord. We don't wake up to our kids, but to our Lord. This step alone maximizes the morning. There are several women who add the next component of exercising to so that they are their best physically. Basically we are accountable to one another for our morning time. 

My group happens to be on twitter. Several groups meet privately on Facebook. Check this out http://register.hellomornings.org/ 

Join us for the Summer and have the best Summer with your kids!

The Loss that Floods Your Mind with Memories

We were piled in the bed this morning finishing school and working on the computer. I had gotten up to grab something from the other room. When I returned she was breathless, head buried into my pillow and unable to speak. I quickly ask my baby girl what was wrong when she said that my best friend had text me.  Unable to understand I read the text which told of a mutual friend's husband passing away this morning.

We have waited for this call. The suffering and treatments have continued for years. As true fighting fashion though the bounce back would happen and life would continue. A few weeks ago though my friend shared her husband had fallen and had to be put in a nursing home for recovery. She hinted that he might not come home and to pray for the girls.

Their baby and mine have been friends since preschool. We have not missed birthday parties and attended church camp together every year. I feel that I have been trying to prepare my little girl for the moment her friend's Dad would no longer live on this earth forever, but when that text came I realized how unprepared we were.

As I held my baby and prayed for our friends, my mind flooded back to the day that numbness overcame me. I had just returned from a wonderful weekend introducing my boyfriend to my family. He and I had taken the long way back to college stopping  by to visit old family friends of his. I distinctly remember us commenting on the oddness of the sky as we drove the 2 1/2 hours across the Delta towards Starkville.

We arrived  home and I ran inside with my basket of clean laundry that I dropped on the floor so I could call to report my safe arrival to Mama (my usual post drive home call- oh the days before the cell phone that is everywhere with you). I dialed my home and my Mama's best friend answered the phone. This was odd because she might be at our home, but didn't really answer our phone. Mama spoke and the numbing words fell all over me. "Your Dad had a heart attack"-Mama "He is going to be fine, right???"-Me "No Sweetie, He didn't make it."

Those words spoken to me by my Mother 23 years ago changed my whole life. I was 20 years old and I know the things that I have missed and longed for as a daughter without an earthly Father. My daughter's friend is 11 and her sister 15. How my heart breaks for them tonight as I recall them being picked up at school to be told their Dad is no longer living.

I hugged both girls today. I shared that I understood it hurt. I told them we could get together and talk.  I would listen because even though I don't have my Daddy (his heart broke) their Daddy was lost to the horribleness of cancer. Our stories are different, but we are daughters without Daddies tonight.

My prayer for these precious girls and my friend is that they feel the cradling of the arms of Jesus the ultimate Daddy. May they find comfort in friends and stories these next few days. And Mr. Chuck say "hi" to George Trippe-my Daddy.