Real Life Healing

I have done it. I spent my most of my thirties in a fog. I was raising four children which I had no idea at the time that it is a tough job. I say often that I survived, but  really-I did. I had made this fictional idea of what life was to look like (insert Martha Stewart) and I had added my own christian twist to it.  But I was missing something. 

The late thirties hit and  I began to realize I longed for friendship -true friendship. I had people that I did things with because of the groups my kids put us in, but  I longed for a mentor. 

I began to be wrapped in this life of pain. One that I had no idea what was truly happening to me. Because of that physical pain I retreated into a year of solitude. It was a more lonely place than I had even felt before-one that lead me to a walk of light and hope. I would wrap my painful self in a blanket and read His word. I began to read the words of other women. I began to open up to a place of healing. I began to respond to those women and find friendship.

This year of healing -soul healing- lead me to discovery. I discovered places I loved to serve. The places I loved to serve became life giving which caused me to be open to relationship. Relationship taught me even more about the healing of my soul. 

Are there still places that are raw? Yes, the quick word or judgement from just the right person can send my soul bleeding and in retreat mode. But I go back to the Truth and find comfort in my chair then I am restored enough to move out again.

So my forties are a new place, a place of community where I can minister to the young mama's like I had so longed for in my younger days. It has lead me community where I serve and become involved in the areas that are life-giving. I still find comfort and restoration from my friends behind the screen, but I am becoming more open to in-real-life community.

I guard my heart from all the hurtful words and actions that might come my way, but I am learning to love in community. To find real relationship that leads me to Him. The healing found in retreat is beautiful. I manage the physical, I find comfort in the Word for the mental, and I find hope in the spirit of others that leads me deeper in my walk. 

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1